The News-Review

A Service of the News Bureau of the Government of the Twelve Colonies

BREAKING NEWS: 7th Heaven destroyed – Chaotic Evacuation

Posted by Fleet News Service on December 20, 2007

The 7th Heaven, once the seat of Government in exile of the human race is no more following a startling terrorist attack on the ship tonight. Fortunately nobody was harmed in the attack.

In scenes reminiscent of the second Cylon assault on the 12 Colonies, panic and mayhem reigned supreme as the Military struggled to evacuate of pilots and civilians from the 7th, with precious seconds ticking away at the risk of all aboard.

Ship’s Captain Tanya Halberd received the bomb threat from an unknown source at 20.49 tonight while attending a function at Afterburners with the chilling warning that there was only 5 minutes before the bombs would go off.

Confusion bordering on blind panic ensued as the people in uniform strugged to maintain control and get everyone onto two hurredly-organised shuttles.

The terrorists made good on their threat. Initial reports suggest that the entire dome over the garden of the 7th heaven was completey destroyed in the blast. They did not detinate in 5 minutes as originally threatened – just as well because the entire evacuation took more than 24 minutes.

All aboard the 7th were safely removed to Colonial One.

Mizzy Sideways of the Heartbreakers Squadron summed up the conduct of the evacuation very well when stunned civilians heard the Viper Pilot remark out loud: “Oh this is a fracking mess we are in.”

Once safely aboard Colonial One, Pilot Mizzy Sideways suggested that the attack was the work of a previously unheard of group called the “Fleet Liberation Movement”. However when asked, Ensign Sideways admitted that she had never had any dealings with the alleged Terrorist Group.

One of the evacuees was Geminese Scientist Nate OToole, who suggested a link between this attack and the much-publicised sighting of a “Mysterious Man in Grey” recorded on military cameras.

Colonial One Executive Officer Dollwife Pinks refused to comment on the possible causes of the blast but said that the Military would mount an investigation.

The first step in the investigation may be reports of a suspect having been shot in connection with the incident aboard the 7th Heaven. No further information is yet available.

Right now the military are assembling as many of the few remaining pieces of the ship in a bid to make sense of how such a shocking attack could occur.

It may be some time before we know learn more. For now, the entire Fleet is in shock and asking itself, “What the hell just happened – and what is yet to come?”

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One Response to “BREAKING NEWS: 7th Heaven destroyed – Chaotic Evacuation”

  1. “The first step in the investigation may be reports of a suspect having been shot in connection with the incident aboard the 7th Heaven. No further information is yet available.”

    A suspect was indeed shot. By me. But not on the 7th Heaven. I shot him on the Tylium Queen, in the Oracle’s chambers. The Fleet Security Team took the body away. Not sure where. Perhaps the River Delta?

    There were loads of Cylon raids that night, too. I count at least four. In two cases, Centurions managed to get aboard the Tylium Queen. I managed to eliminate all of them, single handed, and took a shot in the leg for my trouble.

    Frakking awful night.

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