Ivanna Dish is Back and Better Than Evar…
Posted by Fleet News Service on November 18, 2007
Oh, I’ve missed all of you dahlings so much being in exile here in the deep dark, reminiscing about all of my friends we’ve lost in the entertainment world and my keyboard sitting lonely and idle. I was dripping with depression until all of this wonderful trash started crossing my desk. Just what was needed to put this girl in high spirits! Who said entertainers get to have all the fun — seems politicians and the military have some lovely dirt. So, after vanishing from the Caprican Star, Ivanna Dish is back girls and boys, and with a vengeance.
Just to whet your whistle:
It appears that a certain pilot just can’t keep it in his flight suit, or should I say bandages. Hooking up with his MedTech and then with the nugget that saved him?! Mortally wounded my ass! Rumor has it that he was treated to some special nursing and a striptease. Just a spoonful of sugar, or maybe a full helping? Hell, honey, take the whole cake (and rumor is, he did). Then, later that same night, sighted in a tryst in the halls of the TQ?! Considering the company he kept, makes you wonder just who was getting the heroic treatment? You could say, she was doing some nursing of her own that night; on her knees. I guess, we can truly say, the joke’s on you…
Got it on the DL (that’s “down low” for you noobs), that a certain government official is preggers. The rabbit died? I think not, because this “bunny” is most definitely expecting although she and her erstwhile pilot (uh,”flame” shall we say), were thinking of chucking the little bugger thru an airlock. Rock-a-bye baby, through the airlock…NOT! Fortunately, a little chit chat amongst friends in high places changed their minds. Shall we say congrats now, or wait just a little while longer until you’re showing? And that’d be, uh, tomorrow?
More dirt is sure to come.
If you’ve got some juicy gossip on someone in the fleet, let me know. Make sure to include “For Ivanna: ” at the start of your Subject line. Mail it to: fleetnewsservice@gmail.com.
Until then, my dahlings, keep dishin’.
Fleet Gossip Columnist: Ivanna Dish
The News-Review 
Lady D. said
Ivanna, you old humpback cow, I thought I’d never see my old rival back! I can’t believe these people were desperate enough to give you a column to write on; this used to be such a respectable source of news, why do they settle for your usual third-rate second-hand rumors?
Here’s an addition to your piece about “Pilot Love”: he is awaiting medical discharge from the civilian clinic to be placed under military arrest, this by direct order of the commander herself.
One of the charges she has on him is for “drunken and disorderdly behavior” in her blondie wife’s ship I presume, 7th Heaven. Not smart, messing with the Commander’s wife! Better join the cylons now, kid, they might show you more mercy than the old Angel of Retribution.
The second charge pressed against him is for “unauthorized use of a viper”… maybe he squeezed one of his girlfriends in his – ahem – cockpit, and took her out for a ride on his little viper? Kid, be smart and get yourself a Raptor if you want some zero-g loving; plenty of space in the back, even for threesomes or – dare someone try it? – foursomes. I guess it’s for being smart like this that Captain “Smoke” Slade went up the ranks… or maybe he was doing more than dancing with his current “boss”, the widowed Major “Moonmaiden” Stiglitz, winner of colony-wide beauty contests and Raptormistress.
Unknown source said
Don’t frag with the CAG, Lady D…
Anonymous said
No one had sex in a viper… no one had sex at all.
Security said
Here is some security footage relevant to the issue at hand:
Ivanna Dish said
My dearest Lady D,
How I’ve longed for your inane drivel and complete lack of style and subtext. It’s nice to know they loosened your straps long enough for you to get a few stabs in before getting back to your drooling stupor. I guess someone felt sorry for that ragged, ugly little bitch whimpering in the back of the dog pound who should’ve been put out of her misery (and ours) — congrats on being adopted.
Can you feel the love?
I’m not sure if these young’uns can appreciate the supreme pleasure for two ancient crotchety hags like us to have such a worthy sparring partner. And, it’s nice to be back in the ring.
Kudos on the the loverly dish as well as to security for providing that scandalous footage.
Kisses — laced with cyanide, of course.
Signed,
The Old Humpback Cow (now with trifocals).
starbuckk said
Wooo look at that dude run! Maybe the marines should be talking to him. He could run down a toaster and have breakfast on the table in nothing flat!
Commander Nephilim said
I do not usually comment or participate in mass media, but I was drawn by some commentary on this article:
“Here’s an addition to your piece about “Pilot Love”: he is awaiting medical discharge from the civilian clinic to be placed under military arrest, this by direct order of the commander herself.
One of the charges she has on him is for “drunken and disorderdly behavior” in her blondie wife’s ship I presume, 7th Heaven. Not smart, messing with the Commander’s wife! Better join the cylons now, kid, they might show you more mercy than the old Angel of Retribution.”
Firstly, as the guardian of humanity’s safety, I have no issues with freedom of press, even if it is skewed to wild opinion, but this level of criticism of my orders and discipline for my soldiers? That ventured into territory that is forbidden. This pilot was disciplined for several reasons: one, misusing Fleet assets under a Tylium crunch puts us all in danger (not something a defender of the Fleet should be doing) and two, some military decorum has to be maintained. Trust me, if the entire air wing chose to carouse, the Fleet would be in tatters. I not only have trained pilots for sometime in my life, I -have been- a pilot most of my career and could put all our nuggets to shame. But this behavior in a wartime situation, with its potential harm to civilian interests and safety had to be punished. I go to great depths to keep the military out of civilian business, and I expect the press to stay out of ours. And Lady D.? Next time get it right….it’s Angel of Doom, not Retribution. Retribution is for small timers. Surely my anti-piracy rep isnt that forgotten.
Commander A. Nephilim
Commanding Officer BSG47
Heidi Stiglitz said
“I guess it’s for being smart like this that Captain “Smoke” Slade went up the ranks… or maybe he was doing more than dancing with his current “boss”, the widowed Major “Moonmaiden” Stiglitz, winner of colony-wide beauty contests and Raptormistress.”
“Lady D”, you belittle Captain Slade’s accomplishments with this comment, and do a great disservice to him and anybody else working to protect this fleet. I danced with Colonel Lucero once too. Perhaps you’d like to make up something assinine about that as well?
For the record, it wasn’t “colony-wide beauty contests”. It was one contest, singular, and only in my hometown of Vasteras. Are you a News Review reporter by any chance? You seem to have the same difficulty with facts as those employed here.
Major Heidi Stiglitz
Commanding, 47th Air Wing
Battlestar Pacifica